Your Horoscope For Today Chords, Guitar Tab, & Lyrics - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Intro: C Dm Em F G G7 C F G
 
 
Verse 1:
C                                F                C                     F                 C
Aquarius! There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus,
          F                      C                           F          C
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-a-mole 17 hours a day
 
C                 F                C             F          C
Pieces! Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola Virus 
             F               C                           F               C
You are the true lord of the dance, No matter what those idiots at work say 
 
C                       F                               C                   F                   C
Aries! The look on your face will be priceless when you find that 40lb watermelon in your colon
                           F                                  C
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, and give a hickey to Meryl Streep
 
C                       F                   C                   F           C
Taurus! You will never find true happiness, what you gonna do, cry about it? 
          F                       C                      F                           C
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep
 
 
Chorus 1:
 
C           Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay
G                           C   F G
 That's your horoscope for today
C           Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay
G                           C   F G7
 That's your horoscope for today
 
 
Verse 2:
 
C                     F                    C                   F            C
Gemini! Your birthday party will be ruined once again, by your explosive flatulence,
                     F                         C                F
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancé hurls a javelin through your chest.
 
C                       F                           C                     F              C
Cancer! The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
           F                C                           F
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driving test
 
C                      F                         C                       F                   C
Leo! Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your bosses face, oh no,
                  F                       C                   F
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding and wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quick
 
C                 F             C            F             C
Virgo! All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligence, EXCEPT FOR YOU!
           F                  C                         F
Expect a big surprise today, when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick
 
 
Chorus 2
 
C           Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay
G                           C   F G
 That's your horoscope for today
C           Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay
G                           C   F G7
 That's your horoscope for today
 
 
 
Bridge: Am-G-Em-Am-
 
Am                   G                           Em                              Am
Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the
Am                                 G                           Em                        Am
planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you
Am                             G                                Em                           Am
let me give u my assurance that these forecasts n predictions are based on solid scientific documented evidence
Am                                   G                          Em
so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true
 
Where was I?
 
 
Verse 3:
 
C            F                            C                             F                 C
Libra! A big promotion is just around the corner, for someone much more talented than you!
                 F                   C                      F
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week
 
C                          F            C                                 F           C
Scorpio! Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window,
                 F                           C               F
Work a little bit harder on improving your low self esteem, you stupid freak
 
C                     F                    C
Sagittarius! All your friends are laughing behind your back, "Kill them...."
                  F                    C                       F
Take down all the naked pictures of Ernest Borgiene you've got hanging in your den
 
C              F                    C                   F                              C
Capricorn! The stars say you're a exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying,
                  F                            C                     F
If I were you I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never leave my house again
 
 
Chorus 3:
 
C           Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay
G                           C   F G
 That's your horoscope for today
C           Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay
G                           C   F G7
 That's your horoscope for today
 
C           Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay
G                           C   F G
 That's your horoscope for today
C           Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay
G                           C   F G7
 That's your horoscope for today
 
 
C C C C (end)